New Job

Now a proud but slightly exhausted mother of a High School Freshman, a third grader, and first grader. As the new school year begins, so begins a new position for the mom. Each August, we in the education world, get to start a new fresh adventure, this year is a bit more significant. My career is renewed, and with great vigor this year, as I entered a brand new school, a new position, a hope for new fulfillment.

thoughts

Spending most of the day today on a project that I had little desire to be part of made me reflect again on the things we do to make ourselves more involved socially and yet somehow each time a little bit less of ourselves. A compromise turned into 5 compromises and then that rush over comes me, "just get the dang thing done."
Group mentality kicks in and the quality of the work inversely related to the time it takes to work with people you don't care for or for that matter care if you ever see again.
Not the vision I had when I longed for the challenge of furthering my education.  To pursue my master's degree in education became- pursue the end result and move on. Not savor the learning.  What will I take away from this and how, how will it impact my future students? My future classroom?

It can't be...not my kids

Who knew how life would change. When I first built this blog I intended to write about the daily or weekly dealings of a mom and her three kids. I thought my ramblings needed a home, I thought many of us go through similar processes and we do it in isolation from one another. Maybe if I blogged it would help me feel more connected and it would reach to others dealing with the wonderfully mundane activities of motherhood.
That day I dealt with morning routines. Making lunches, signing planners, checking teeth, shoes, and defusing all the minor squabbles that occur when three children live in a home together. Those three children who wanted to stay home instead of go to school. Produced the usual avoidance techniques and heal- dragging statements:
"I can't find my socks.....-they're in the top drawer-"
"Mom, where is the toothpaste cap?....-on the counter where you put it-"
"I need you to sign this permission slip....-put it on the island- with a pen-"
"Tell her to get out of here....-get out of your brother's way-"

Then a trembling boy of seven, ran frantically into the master bedroom and threw his arms around me. His beautiful sparkling eyes welled with tears his tender quaking voice could barely stammer, "Mom, I don't want him to ever touch me like that again. I don't like it when he rubs his private....."

My internal struggle to comprehend those words was enormous.
My world ceased to exist as previously known.

Life changed that day. Drastically. The blog was a distant memory. It was a time when I probably needed blogging more, need the connection to others more. But I didn't know where to turn, or how to cope so I sunk inside a dark and lonely place.  That was the day I learned that one of my own dear, sweet, tender children had been horribly and inexplicably violated.  His innocence, our family's innocence shattered.

Matching socks and clean dishes, signed papers and 5 servings of vegetables a day.  Who could have time for such insignificant things?  My dear little boy- his green eyes welling up in tears to the size of swollen plums - tears staining the freckled cheeks- my boy.  But how?

Just to get started

I have never had the chance to write in this type of forum before. I was inspired tonight by a blog I read revealing personal details of a family living with Asperger's Syndrome. This is very near to me and felt I needed to reach to others who may have the same questions. We are about to endeavor into the world of diagnosis. There has always been something that has not sat well with my thoughts on my oldest son's development. Loss of oxygen during childbirth, surgery in infancy, frequent ear infections, and massive cycles of antibiotics. Not to mention vision an issue until we got glasses at age 3.5. But we were repeatedly told he was meeting his developmental goals. He fine and gross motor were "within normal limits".
Everything in normal limits or "off the charts" in performance. Why can't I shake this feeling that something is getting missed.